Paulina Buck shares her story about recovering from injuries and the power of yoga to heal the body physically and mentally.
By Paulina Buck
Why do we practice yoga, or why do we teach yoga? There are many answers to this question, but for me, there is only one: to stay healthy. Yoga has helped me learn how to prevent injuries, to heal, and to keep my mind at peace and on an even keel. I strive to transfer this learning to my students.
I am 52 years old, and have been practising yoga for 18 years. In August last year, as I was walking down the stairs, my husband pointed out that they were slippery. He was right! I slipped, with my arm behind me grasping the banister as I tumbled down 3 steep steps. I didn’t feel anything much at the time apart from the bang to my tail bone as it smashed against the stairs. I continued as if nothing had happened until the next day, when I was in agony because of my back. But the impact to my back, whilst painful at the time, was not the long-lasting injury from my tussle with the stairs.
Fast forward to April/May, I started to get some pain doing Paryankasana (Couch pose) but was able to manage it once I did some stretches after coming out of the pose. However, as time went by, I started to get pain in the inner part of my upper arm doing Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog pose), and that’s when I realized there was something seriously wrong.
I am a firm believer that I can use my practice first instead of going for more conventional treatments immediately. But this time the pain just got worse. Even lifting my handbag or opening a door was painful. So, I went to the physiotherapist who sent me for an MRI and the diagnosis came: Left rotator cuff PASTA, where P stands for a partial tear of tendon, A for articular (which refers to the inner side of the tendon), ST for supraspinatus tendon, and A for avulsion (which refers usually to a traumatic injury). And a side order of type II SLAP tear (Slap stands for superior labral tear from anterior to posterior). On top of it, I was diagnosed with Buford complex (an anatomical variation on the glenohumeral ligaments and the labrum).
I was devastated. I had just signed up to attend a one-week retreat with a teacher who has greatly influenced me and taught me so much. I was also due to lead a two-week retreat in October and really felt like I was letting my students down. I am not that young anymore. This injury was a major blow to me.
For a month I continued to agonize over whether to risk the surgery or try and soldier on with the pain, but finally, I went in for the surgery. It was a two-hour procedure, after which I was kept in the hospital overnight and discharged the next day. But 48 hours after that, I was back practising.
I had to modify everything, find variations for poses and movements that I had previously taken for granted—but most of all I had to be kinder and more patient with myself. I did not realize how frustrating it is not to be able to do simple things like getting dressed!
I was adamant that I was not going to take painkillers as I didn’t want to dull my senses and lose awareness of my boundaries. I went back to teaching a week after the surgery with my arm in a sling (which I had to wear for a month), but I was only teaching a couple of classes a week. I started to go for physiotherapy but it was largely restricted to massaging the area. While my surgeon was keen that I move my arm gently from the very beginning, the physiotherapist, from the kindest of hearts, was always telling me to be cautious. Fear started to creep into my mind. I wasn’t sleeping well as I was told if I had pain it was because I had done too much and negated the point of the surgery. I was fearful that nothing I was doing was helping—but at the same time my instincts were telling me I was on the right track.
I decided to trust myself and my knowledge of my body, but most of all, my 18 years of practising yoga. I persevered with my own yoga-centric conceptualization of rehabilitation for a month. During that time, I went on a holiday and kept doing everything I could to bring more movement to my arm. I was still not allowed to put any weight on my shoulder, so to do a plank, I belted myself to a tree to hold my hips and bring my weight further back onto my legs than usual. I kept using the tree for as many poses as I could whilst keeping the weight off my shoulder and the back healthy. We tend to forget the very important connection that shoulders have to the back— and trees make for good props! I kept doing my pranayama, and continued to move the arm as much as I could, slowly and carefully.
As soon as I got back to Singapore, I went to the physiotherapist who had helped me with a previous surgery (yes, I had shoulder surgery back in 2010; it was a labral tear as well due to an old injury from water skiing). She and my surgeon were amazed at how much movement I had only two months after the surgery. The physiotherapist encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing, gently reminding me to give myself time to heal, but not to be scared either.
I don’t take my rehabilitation and my progress lightly. I’ve been extremely lucky to have had an amazing surgeon, a very supportive physiotherapist, students who encourage me, and colleagues who cheer me on. But apart from that, I’ve worked hard because I believe in what I do.
I don’t advise people to bypass the professional attention and help that the medical profession can give, but I do recommend the great benefits that can come from working in conjunction with them and one’s yoga practice. If you want to use the practice to help you heal, the solution is not to pop in to a class expecting immediate results, especially if you have never practiced yoga. Instead, talk to the teacher, and depending on how severe your condition is, consider taking private lessons before you join the public ones.
Yoga works if we allow it to work. It will not hurt if we practice it with an understanding that less is more, if we practice with someone who can explain the process through which the body can access what we are trying to achieve, and if we practice without trying to emulate someone or something. Yoga is a beautiful process, but only if we stop to understand and see the beauty of it, without trying to push it onto ourselves.
Paulina Buck teaches at Kate Porter Yoga in Singapore.Read more about her at www.kateporteryoga.com/paulina-buck/
This article was first published in the print edition of Yoga Journal Singapore, which is now Yogahood Online.
